I am not even sure where to start. It has been almost a year since I last posted and just about everything that could change has changed since then. So here goes, last summer my husband and I split up and are now three weeks away from our divorce being finalized. I will spare you all the messy details of our split though. Suffice it to say, that there was too much of some stuff for too long and not enough of other stuff. We have had some really honest conversations (more honest than any we had while we were together!) since then and both of us had to admit that we never did anything from the beginning in order for our marriage to be successful. When we first split it was easy for me to focus on what he did wrong (probably because I could rationalize what I had done) and who wants to ever admit they are wrong anyway??? I realized that I had to let go of any hurt or anger I had towards him in order to move on though. More importantly, I needed to take responsibility for my actions during our marriage and after in order for me to learn and grow.
Although it has been rough, it has definitely not been all bad. For the most part my friends and family have been amazingly supportive. It is easy to let your friendships go during a marriage but I am so grateful that my girlfriends stepped right back in to my life and have been there for me time and time again through all this. There have been some relationships that have suffered but I guess the people that are meant to stay in your life are going to no matter how bad you screw up. This has really given me a chance to examine what I want in life and what my priorities are. I can see now that they don't line up to what his were and I wish I could have recognized that sooner but as they say, hindsight is 20/20.
For a while I felt like I had wasted seven years of my life but I had to stop that way of thinking. Everything that has happened to me has led me to where I am now and I have to trust that journey. I believe he is where his is supposed to be and so am I and I guess that is the best you can hope for in a divorce. Every day I have more and more to be happy about and that is what I am choosing to focus on.
No matter what happens from here, I know I will land on my feet. Always have and always will ;)
1. Chuck Baudelaire said...
Wow. Except for the duration of the marriage, I could have written this post. I agree with you about everything, especially about how hard it is to admit your part of the failure. I'm positive you will be a better, stronger person for what you've done and what you've shared. I hope I will be, too. Hugs, and welcome back!